You can’t connect the dots looking forward;
you can only connect them looking backwards.
So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future.
You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever.
Steve Jobs
It’s to trust yourself in the present.
Our journey of life is formed by connecting the dots. In drawing terms, a line is formed when we connect two dots, or more. My journey to becoming a photographer has never been linear.
In sketches, lines help scribbling and streaming thoughts.
The process is a kind of composition.
When did i start drawing lines?
Photographer as an occupation was never an ambition in my mind since young. I recalled my childhood with a strong interest in drawing. Back then, some elderly projected a line of ‘poverty’ if i were to become a painter or an artist. In other words, it was a projected line of rejection. A notion that did not support the hobby or ambition. So, i was heavily encouraged to focus more on my academy.
My mother was the special one, who supported me to enjoy drawing, art and crafts. She would spend her time accompanying me doing my hobby-related activities that were very time-consuming. She sowed the seed of patience and passion for art in me. These turned out to be priceless later on. Without her, my childhood hobby could be completely uprooted, and i won’t be doing photography now, nor would i be typing right here. My mother was there with me in my early childhood. And that was important. That’s the upward trajectory line.
Later in my primary school time, i noticed my mother speaking with herself. Little did i know, it was the start of her depression. Ignorance in the family made us do nothing constructive to help her. It started the downward path of a trajectory. What probably made it worse was that i got sent to study in a top secondary school in Kuala Lumpur and stayed in the hostel. Depression, had been a vocabulary word until i got to really experience a bit in my adolescent age. And it was also when i learned that Depression could be a clinical disorder, because my mother got mentally ill and brought to see a psychiatric doctor. Being apart, i always had my tears down the cheeks when i was on the phone chatting with my mother. It was a lot of negativity and i didn’t know how could i help. I just listened, mostly. And that particular dot in my life eventually connects to the one now — i’m a photographer who listens to stories when i picture.
You probably wonder why did i wrote about depression and old school time in a blog about line. Because, my journey of becoming has never been linear. In the school, i started feeling the need to throw myself into some mess in studies and relationships. I needed some kind of turmoil that echoes with my mother’s. I felt bad that she was suffering without me by her side. I rejected my art teacher’s private invitation to join his curriculum oil-painting group (of which i am still feeling sorry, for myself and my teacher). I got further away from art. I chose science and maths. But, to acknowledge that as a part of my life, it was actually not all-dark for me. I have a few closed friends in my high school time who literally accompanied me to journey through the lost and the confused. Also, academically speaking, having myself exposed more to science and maths, possibly balanced up the weight scales in me: soul (art) and rationale (science). And that led me to the next dot — Architecture.
If, ‘Science, like philosophy, is concerned with understanding the nature of existence and the meaning of life.’– Thich Nhat Hanh
Art, is like a spirituality kind of expression and reach between the creator and the viewers.
Coincidentally, my mother had pretty much regained herself (from serious depression) when i decided on Architecture. Architecture has also reconciled me from being torn between art and science, expression and formulation. My best friend from secondary school told me that he was relieved that i ditched Chemistry (i thought i would end up studying that), and picked Architecture. For that, I spent six years in Architectural studies and works in Melbourne.
And first time in my life, i learned that art and science can be so close as one. It was a great exposure to a robust mix of creativity, analysis, feelings, and scientific studies. I met all walks of life among great people, regardless of skin colors, sexual preferences, and ages. I started to see everyday life with lines, lots of them are imaginary. Or, some may nicely put, visionary.
Because of light, view, circulation, ventilation, and purposes,
imaginary (analytical) lines help me decide the placement of architectural lines,
such as walls and openings.
The influence of architecture and vision became apparent when i dived deeper in my photography pursuit, even in people-centric wedding and lifestyle genres. Building industry emphasizes the teamwork and coordination across multidisciplinary fields. Meanwhile, lifestyle photography asks for the connection and collaboration between the creator and the photographed. Interestingly, if architecture is to put up some walls, photography is to bring down the ‘walls’ in between the creator and the photographed. To me, they are oddly similar, just on a different methodology, scale and intimacy.
The lines in my early works could be edgier, as i was more stubborn and rigid, character-wise. Over time, my wife who plays the role of a reminder for me to be kind and tender has softened my lines. The truth is that they are many kind of lines, and why should i limit myself with one. Wan Wen makes me more flexible and elastic in terms of characters and relationships; and that eventually reflects in different ways of use of lines in my works. I enjoyed my work as a photographer a lot. And i was glad that my mother was contented and happy in the final part of her life. She knew i was doing an enjoyable job. And she was always happy that i have a caring wife and a healthy little family.
The most heartbreaking lines i saw,
were from the ventilator monitor reading
of my bedridden mother.
And that reminds me to be grateful
with the tiniest thing,
such as breathing,
and simply living.
A unique couple session taken in a hospital operating theatre.
The passing of my mother made me realized that photographing people can be from all kinds of mood, emotions and conditions, as there are higher purposes. People love celebrating lifestyle, and i dare to suggest the importance of ‘deathstyle’ if we can choose (Maybe, i will talk about palliative care in a different post). I started to see different people and stories as intertwining threads, while we all play a role to weave a fine fabric, at different time frames.
Lines are my favourite components in my photography. And in my life, while knowing there are ups and downs in my path line, i hope i can connect the dots between loving, living, and learning on my canvas of life.
And if there is one thing or two that you can take away from my long-winded entry today, i think this might be it:
Be there, with someone you love or care.
As a parent, or a friend, or a child, or a spouse. You never know, you might be connecting one crucial dot in someone’s life.
